alien theory II: implanting heroes

Far in the future (hopefully) industrious aliens land on earth, specifically North America. While conducting homestead research, their sublocators are drawn to human skeletons.

Locator data reveals a periodic match: The dust that formed earth (billions of years ago) originating as silicone and oxygen (from exploding stars) has also been found in female bones on the east and west coast.

While conducting additional research, the aliens uncover millions of photo files. Soon they understand how these silicone-carriers were magnanimously celebrated by the human race.

The aliens go on to teach their offspring how earthlings protected precious silicone payloads beneath their own skin in two great bags carried near the heart.

The aliens decide to occupy earth and also come to revere big-breasted gals. Theyย  wonder whatever happened to the god, Hugh Hefner and his rabbits.

“It was heroic implanted females who tried saving the human race from its silicone doom…”

nano, nano…
boobellathis is a little giant enhancement ‘humor’ only
not reconstructive surgery due to illness…thank you

when the delicate daughter was quite young, she asked her mom why the girl on the magazine cover had a “toosh” under her neck…

quickie sketch – shortest one yet!


41 thoughts on “alien theory II: implanting heroes

  1. Gosh, I’m running to catch up! I was just starting to comment on this post when a new post dropped (yay!). You know, this satrical, mock sci-fi piece is terrific, AM (did you edit since it first dropped?). When I read this the first time, I thought, “Damn, is there nothing this woman can’t do?” You’ve got the voice/tone down perfectly … and it’s damn funny to boot! And, sadly, it’s got a great serious underlying message so it makes a strong point as well. You really carrried this one off in style, Miss. Good ‘un! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Okay, I’m laughing out loud with my glass of wine here ๐Ÿ™‚ HILARIOUS and so clever! Yes — the idea of breast implants as surgically needed — breast cancer survivors – so very understandable.
    But those who do it to look more like the photo shopped queens on magazine covers and the women who emote for reality tv? I just don’t get it. I was in junior high in the era of L&M Cigarettes and their infamous ad for their filter cigarrettes, “It’s What’s Up Front That Counts” and I knew I was doomed the first time I heard it. Three cheers for small breasted women! And the good news is that as we get older, they don’t sag to hang under our armpits! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Oh my…..perhaps I should be cut off from the wine??? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Non-related – Quite a few years ago I had to see three Ophthalmologist’s over a span of several years. I asked each one the same question. What about laser surgery? The all had the same answer and they all lived in different city’s. “You have 20:20 vision (that was then). Would you be willing to loose your vision to correct what is already functioning fine?”

    Implants, outside of major surgery involved due to accidents, cancer etc. are not included in this statement as those are major reconstruction for important reasons. Why would a woman want to risk so much to go wrong, for trying to please not only themselves, but a lot of the time, what the men want? To come under the knife has its share of risks and I would ask the same question the Ophthalmologist’s asked me. Would you be willing to risk you life…

    If a man is not satisfied with a woman with who she is, then they need to reconsider why they are going out with that person. If they are not happy now, they likely won’t be happy later on with many things the woman should stand for. Women are sexy to as many people that find each one sexy. Small, medium or large need not be what the man sees first. I realize there has to be a spark of some sort (from both sides) but what you see is what you get. Now see how much you love that woman, no matter the size of her breasts. If a man does not fall in love with her breasts first, there may be a chance they will be together for decades to come. If breasts are the only attraction, they will both be disappointed in a very short time.

    I will vote with Lillian with the three thumbs up (can that be done hmmm?) for women with small breasts. Now, the truth must be told. My wife has very large breasts. I do not recall what number but when we are going through the melon department together it is our time to rib each other. She gets me down by the mini carrots, I don’t like that :o). One of the things that attracted her to me was I did not talk to her breasts when we first met. She was used to ignoring so many men as they forgot that she has a face and tend to look down while conversation are taken on. It is the heart that attracts not the body parts. Just so any women read this, I asked permission to discuss this overrated topic before I put this part into text. Enough said. Wild story and wild woman, not AnnMarie, but the other one! :o)

    Liked by 1 person

    • You know Alan, the thing I find most ironic about the entire implant situation and the particular over-obsession of late…magazines that align themselves as “health” periodicals – often have people with implants gracing their covers…you absolutely bring up the most salient and absurd “point” about the entire thing – implants are an enormous health risk. Gosh, our values are getting soggy. When I first took my daughter (17 now) bra shopping way back when, it was difficult finding bras that didn’t have pool cover pillows sewn in. These poor girls today, unless they have a savvy parent or someone close reminding them (and I mean constantly) that this ‘crap’ isn’t real and is not what life is…they are getting set up for a world of dis-reality and devalue. Sadder still, the amount of beautiful young girls I see in the schools where I sub trying to follow suit… they’re not getting appreciative looks, they’re getting leers and that’s a whole different thing that they can’t really understand (though they think they do ’cause let’s face it teens think they know everything) just yet. And I think as a parent, these 2 conspiracy pieces are more about what we are doing to our kids as a society. What we’re teaching them about our values and what matters in these short lives we’re granted. “Content of character,” seems to be more and more a “dream.” I wrote a post long ago, I’ll have to try and find it – about school attire – I think it was a humorous piece…
      Gosh, you look back at the old b&w Hollywood glam error – the women who still wore clothing were stunning, sexy and gorgeous. And we didn’t constantly need to see their “mammaries” to understand this.
      Anyway, your wife must really love you, – to let you go melon shopping with her ๐Ÿ˜‰ She’s got a great sense of humor like you ๐Ÿ™‚
      And I hope you are enjoying eye health today, Sir!
      boooo I don’t want to sub….

      Liked by 1 person

      • AnnMarie, going right to your last sentence first. I am sure there is a side of you that loves teaching, even as a submarine! Those young minds have such a great opportunity to retain some of their artistic value from their wonderful sub teacher, who not only values art, but lives art in your own world. The education system tends to strip most of that away from young minds and you are always walking the talk so I’m sure you will build such great values into those young impressionable minds as they walk along with you on your colorful path. Just take a moment and think of the kids that you have worked with that surely look up to you, even the vampire side of life :o) There will be those who never stop talking about their one favorite (favourite) teacher of all times!
        Now back to chests. Young people are being bullied into such a false feeling of what is real verses not real. The bar, although set falsely high, is a target that no human can achieve, especially young ones who are still developing in their minds. You are so right, we as parents have to continually remind them until they are of an age and mindset where they will see the true value of simply being themselves as the real value. Those who achieve that will have to do the same as you say and continue the cycle of education with their young kids. Those who fall off the wrong side of the wagon will instill the wrong values, and that is sad!
        Yes, shopping with the Mrs. is always fun. I tend to get into the shopping at a level that could one day get me in trouble. Not because of the melons but rather, when I see couples shopping together, I love to walk up and point my conversation toward the male, with the female within clear hearing range, “I have been kidnapped by my wife, and she is holding me against my will. You too sir?” The answer is typically “Yes” followed by chuckles from both except for one recent mid twenties couple. He said “Me…No…” and his wife said “Yes you are!!!” I have fun shopping! :o)

        Liked by 1 person

      • You get more interesting with each comment, Sir Alan ๐Ÿ˜‰ You like shopping and have fun doing so. I think you are an endangered specie. Your wife better protect you when you’re out and about ๐Ÿ˜‰ Now, if you went up to my brother, while he was shopping with his wife, and told him you’d been kidnapped, your wife might find herself on cold tile because he’s an FBI agent ๐Ÿ˜‰
        As far as the subbing, I do enjoy when the class allows me to do so. Sometimes you get one of those classes where the students aren’t respectful… not that I can’t handle these situations…you just can’t have any fun with the class. When all the stars align and the class is well-behaved, there’s nothing like it. I have great fun. I tell them all kinds of stories…
        I’m an optimist by nature and I believe the pendulum is due to swing back. At some point, people will just grow tired of all the silliness and bad behavior and fake beauty body parts…

        Liked by 1 person

      • So AnnMarie, are you telling me that I should no longer bend down and tell elderly people in their motorized scooters to keep the speed below 100 as there is photo radar setup on isle seven? Most of them would not likely work for the…you know…the ummm…those guys your brother knows! :o)
        I taught in a college and also at the YWCA for some time and loved the work and the adult based classes. They were not being forced to be there so most had a good attitude. The only exception was the Excel class. Most of them, as adult professionals, with English as a second language thought they new everything there was to know about Excel. The first class was always hard to start as these people thought they new more than the old gray haired guy. My favorite class was the second class because when I showed up to teach, every student was sitting in front of their computers ready to start class. Those students were just a wonderful treat to teach. It was great!
        I better start cutting back on these messages to I do not get electronic messages saying you are no longer is service at this time. Glad to hear you made it through today! :o)

        Liked by 1 person

      • I learned a new acronym from another blogger. I’m ashamed to say I had to Google it (neither of my walking talking urban reference guides were home)
        ROFL and I use it here for the very first time for you, Sir Alan. ๐Ÿ™‚
        Speaking of fabulously charming, creative and humorous instructors – you must have made a wonderful teacher. ๐Ÿ™‚
        I love the scooter set – they are some of the happiest and calmest folks on the planet. So, you just keep the scooter humor going ๐Ÿ˜‰
        You know, I remember my very first driving lesson. My dad, Vito was an intimidating FBI agent in his day (at 83, if he had a blog today, he’d probably call it Scary Grandpa ;)) So none of us kiddies elected to have him teach us. We all opted for driving lessons. Anyway, my very first day I got behind the wheel, Slim of Slim’s Driving School handed me the key. He might have uttered a few things before saying, “Okay let’s go.” I didn’t even know where the key went.
        Happy Saturday to you!

        Liked by 1 person

      • You will be proud to know that I have to Google that one :o)
        I loved teaching. It had to be the most fun with a fantastic success ratio.
        Scooter folks are my favorite. Once they realize what is being said, they get quite a kick out of it. I must have got about six yesterday.
        It sounds like that company runs in your family. Big careers with very high expectations. Scary Grandpa sounds like it would have been a title your dad would have been proud of :o)
        Ha, I’ve got one that will fall almost in line with yours, ok, one notch behind. I did not yet have my driver’s license and drove my car down to take the test drive. My hair was a little long (first time in my life) and the woman testing agent failed my. I asked on what grounds as I was sure I did not make any errors. She said I shifted the car poorly. Of course I thought she was simply pulling my leg, but soon found out she was not kidding. I was sure she did not like men with long hair because I was quite comfortable with driving an automatic. Then I had to wait outside for 30 minutes while she chit chatted with people who clearly did not like her so that I could eventually get in my car to return back to work. Wine wine wine. The key goes in your purse .o) ouch…my eye…
        Have a great weekend AnnMarie :o)

        Liked by 1 person

      • ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’m ashamed to admit the things I have to Google these days. I’m so lame. I really should have been born during the swing band era ๐Ÿ™‚
        I’m so glad you scooter chat too. I few years ago I lost a very dear scooter friend. Papa Felice, my good friend’s dad and I had coffee together every week. I adored him. We shared so many laughs together. He often told me about his childhood, going to war, the depression…he was an amazing soul. His photo hangs in my studio.
        We do have a family of high-achievers. Many driven individuals – damn Italians! ๐Ÿ˜‰
        Maybe you had it wrong with the driving gal. Maybe she really ‘liked’ your long hair and wanted to see you again, my friend ๐Ÿ˜‰
        You poke yourself in the eye quite frequently, it’s a good thing you wear safety goggles like me!


      • Old people are simply the most entertaining. They have so much to offer. They always enjoy good fun and have such wonderful senses of humor.
        Sorry about your Papa Felice. I am sure he was a full fledged fountain of knowledge. At least we maintain their memories.
        Nope on the woman, I stood to the side and listened to her run down several young fellows with long hair :o)
        Yes, thank goodness for our keen sense toward safety glasses :o)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ever since I was little, I’ve harbored a dearest love of the elderly. In fact, it’s how I took a second dog home while in college. An elderly woman with several dogs, used to walk her dogs passed by my apartment. One day, the dogs appeared to be misbehaving. I went out to assist – long story, shortened – we became friends. She eventually offered one of the dogs to me. The dog, Pudkins – had belonged to a dear friend of hers who’d passed on. She promised to find Pudkins a good home. Pudkins ended up being one of the best dogs I ever had. She was one of these fantastic pooches – the kind who waited patiently (no leash required) outside the Student Center on campus. She was a mix Shepherd and Lab and lived to the ripe old age of 14.
        Too bad about the hair hater. Though maybe she really, really liked long hair ๐Ÿ˜‰
        Safety glasses rock!

        Liked by 1 person

      • See, all those things people say about you are true. Well, the ones that count. What a dear you were. Pudkins found a wonderful home and was gifted accordingly. Lovely to hear. Those stories always bring sunshine into my window. Did you ever write a poem for your wonderful wonder dog?

        Liked by 1 person

    • Right on, OldenGray! When Mom was in her early 70s, she lost a breast to cancer. The surgeon offered to rebuild it, but she and Daddy assured him that after 50+ years of marriage she had much more to offer than two breasts, and would not be diminished by the lack of one. I see so many young women trying to “fix” bodies that aren’t broken to attract men who probably are…it makes me sad. – Fawn

      Liked by 2 people

      • What a couple of super hero’s your folks are! That is so wonderful to hear. I do not know either of them but can tell you that I too am proud of their decision. That is true love. Yes, the young women today do not realize what they are setting themselves up for. Somebody is profiting from taking advantage of the state they are being coerced into. It is sad. Any man that will insist of persuade a woman to change her body needs to be shaken lose and give the woman a chance to find her true love, that will accept her as she is, not a modified Barbie version for his perversion. You have the right stand that you have. :o)

        Liked by 1 person

      • All you people better start bringing wine wine when you visit here ๐Ÿ˜‰ Alan meet Fawn – Fawn meet Alan. Luckily, you both are wonderful, fantastic, intelligent, creative people who I happen to adore!!!
        Fawn is also quite a spectacular mom, grandmom, artist and witty gal who enjoys the west coast!
        Alan, you words here perfectly sum up the entire situation. ๐Ÿ™‚
        Kidding aside, Sir, thank you for your generosity of soul and honest heart speak.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Okay, I owe you for all those comments as we agreed to last week. I was quite impressed with Fawn’s site as the first article was about tea cups and the likes. She did look like her motherhood, grandma magic places her in a similar category to you AnnMarie and some of the many talented people on your site.
        I had to leave to go out for the afternoon and came back later. I’d started a Flash Fiction thing that I am just finishing. Have not done one of these and am not sure how it will turn out. I guess if I put it out there it will be done. Did I mention that I am taking a poetry class from Lillian’s mentor, Holly? It starts June 1. That should be fun! Okay young lady, it is your weekend so have a splendid one! I’ll try not to bother you! :o) Nice to meet you Fawn! Nite Lillian!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I hold you in the highest possible regard and I know deep down, it is you sir – who is the super hero and I know your wife is your super sidekick ๐Ÿ˜‰ Please do comment as much as you’d like. Your comments alone are more articulate and well-constructed (and often freakin’ funny) than my whole darn blog. You have an open pass, Sir Alan – please comment away. I look forward to each and every one, regardless of word count! ๐Ÿ™‚
        Hope the Flashing is going well – the writing that is ๐Ÿ˜‰ I sensed you and wonderful Lillian had a writing connection. Good luck with your class – sounds quite wonderful.
        I have to catch up on my reading this weekend before my hellish next one – Garage Sale!!!!
        Bother me all the time, Sir!!!!
        Happy weekend to you too

        Liked by 1 person

      • You are a sweet soul young lady AnnMarie. Lillian has such wonderful writing manners and her works come off like she has been writing for decades. I do enjoy her poetry. She has a style that shows so much in less words than most.
        Thank you for the open invite AnnMarie. I should learn how to say more with less. That can’t be bad. Thanks on the weekend offering :o)

        Liked by 1 person

  4. As a scrapbooker/self-styled photo historian, I had to giggle at the aliens finding all those precious photo files, and then connecting them to the airheaded women (I’m making assumptions, for sure) with silicone implants. I love the crazy-smart places your brain goes, AnnMarie! – Fawn

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Alas! my supply of manly silicon is nil, but if I had some, it/they would be heaving with mirth!! You are not only a gifted artist, my dear AnnMarie, but a gifted writer and satirist, par excellence!! Fantastic parody– so short, compact, and funny. Not a wasted word. As for Ms. Tushneck– I flipped!– one of your zaniest, and a perfect topper for the post. And I must add that your response to Oldengray’s original comment was superb. Take a bow, do it now!! : )


    • Darn it – I had a great response this morning and then we lost power. Since this am, I’ve cleaned the house, done laundry, walked dogs and now my brain is domestically-fried. I’ll try to retain a smidgen of cleverosity ๐Ÿ˜‰
      You are the funny fella. I just play at attempted humor and sometimes land ‘unflatteringly’ on my face. I’m just trying to keep up with the real pros – the likes of you and that other funny fella – OldenGray aka ALan. You guys make many a day brighter!
      But, I thank you Mark!!!
      Smiling and chuckling am I

      Liked by 1 person

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