“Mom, why did I have to color a vagina?”

This post was originally published in March 2014. It’s one of my favorites. The big son is now 14, just hit 6′ and is still growing…

The conversation that day…

The big son just got home from Middle School. We usually talk about how the day went. He’s a thirteen-year-old, good natured kid. He does well in school and to the best of my knowledge has never been in trouble, except for one Pre-k incident, when Miss L told him to sit at his desk because he was giggling, then he cried the rest of the day. The big son is currently taking an accelerated Living Environment class. His class recently entered deep into the mysteries of the reproductive chapter.

The big son asks in quite a frustrated tone, “Mom, why did I have to color a vagina?”

Me, “What colors did you have to color the vagina?” I’m trying not too laugh because he’s really quite annoyed.

Big Son, “Does it matter?”

Me, “That depends.” I’m stifling giggles as we continue conversing.

Big Son, “We had to color the vagina-red, the uterus-orange, the fallopian tubes; also know as the oviduct-yellow, the ovaries-blue-” Big son flashes his colored vagina pictures.

Me, “Wow, I don’t even remember all those parts,” I look down at my pelvis, “geez, I hope everything is still in there that’s supposed to be.”

“MOM!”

“Oh, c’mon I’m just kidding.” I look at the vagina picture the big son is shaking in his hand and think, wow, all the worrying I did when he was little because he couldn’t color in the lines. I’m proud of the big son’s vagina picture.

Big Son, “It’s not fair Mom, the penis picture is so much more embarrassing.”

Me, “Why?”

Big Son, “From the side view, the penis picture looks really bad. You don’t see anything from the vagina side view.” He shows me the penis diagram picture too – perhaps he thinks his mom doesn’t know what a penis looks like.

Me, “Well, how about the female torso, side view?”

Big Son, “What about it?”

Me, “The breasts from the side, you can see those.”

Big Son, “They’re not important.”

Me, “Why not?”

Big Son, “We didn’t even have to color them.”

Me, “Well, they might be important someday…” (this response I keep to myself)

Wurd Warrior/acrylic

coverWurd Girl created for a long ago illustration class. Textbook is one I designed (interior and exterior) and art directed while at Prentice Hall. I did not do the cover art

I’d like to give a shout out to schools dealing with these important topics. Besides the personal conversations that parents have with their children, many schools shoulder the responsibility of informing our students with important, yet sometimes “uneasy” topics such as reproduction. Educators do this masterfully and professionally without the giggles…

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45 thoughts on ““Mom, why did I have to color a vagina?”

  1. I do well remember this post, AM, and it’s still as funny and touching as ever — and I can’t wait to meet your kids, who sound like good, well-grounded Earthlings (it’s “moontime” in the Midwest). And you know what? I remember that book — or I’ve seen it somewhere in education — very impressed, Missy. Of course, “Wurd Girl” is superb, and to think your artistic talent was in full bloom even then. Well done, Miss! Salud! 😉

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    • Moontime!!!!!
      I love being near my desk at moontime 😉
      Yea, this memory still makes me chuckle. I look at Max lately and I can’t believe how he’s growing. His shoulders are enormous – weight lifting, he’s 230 and he’s but 14 – from the giant husband, comes the big son 🙂
      Thank you for your kind words. I’ve been trying to finish, Girl on a Train…
      halfway through…
      am:)

      Like

      • I had to interrupt my “moontime,” called to use the blankety-blank trimmer. With shakey right arm, I hoist another glass … because I deserve it, darnit! Hey, apropos of nothing, what T-shirt size does your hubby, son and daughter wear?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I used to tell my kids, “If you want to know about sex and drugs, ask me, if you want to know about math, go ask your mother”.
    I would not have wanted to be in the same room as you AnnMarie, had you exploded due to all the back pressure. That could have been messy. I won’t go beyond this matter. It was rather humorous though! :o)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love this post. This huge topic needs to be spoken about openly, sensitively as it is as natural as what the birds and bees are up to…and humans are all part of the bigger cycle of Nature and Life! This one made me chuckle…very well written…and very well handled on the day. Well done that mum!! Thanks A M x

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  4. How did I miss this one? I can only imagine your son’s horror at having to color either picture…but I don’t know whether I would have been able to contain my giggles hearing his tale of woe. I am grateful that as the grammy I only have to provide back-up for my girls’ lessons in body parts! (And with Lily turning 9 next week, I’m sure at least Part I of “the talk” is on the horizon. Happy Monday! – Fawn

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      • My daughter is also a writer. Fortunately she hasn’t started writing about me yet. In later years . . I’m not so sure. Scary!

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      • Considering you’re thinking about her in this way, shows how deeply you care. I’m quite certain, her writing will ultimately reflect this. Regardless of your current relationship, children have a great capacity for love and an even greater ability to forgive their parents’ transgressions. (I too, keep my fingers crossed that I don’t screw too many things up 🙂 ).

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  5. The children of today grow much faster than you or I did my daughter is so far long I can’t keep up,color all sorts of things it boggles my mind
    Thank you for your like
    As always Sheldon

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