first boyfriend revised

first boyfriend revised

not the boy, the writing
the boy is now a man
and a husband and a father
we dated long ago
years after Watergate
he was more adult
than I ever was
some teens manage stockpiling adolescent crap
better than others
he was dragged through a few payloads
before growing tired of the shenanigans

my ‘defense’

fresh from a neutered classroom
where boys breathed on the school’s opposing side
ever-constant mantras drilled
proper uniforms, do not sin, always repent
because you will sin
I remember the sheer terror of that first day
putting on street clothes
no more hiding behind vinyl white bibles and plastic Rosary beads
I was no longer a student of Catholic school

grow the freak up

I recall the first traumatizing moment
while trying to open my utterly confusing, Cavo-red locker
and thinking about not sinning
as a few expletives were beginning to slip
there they were
two bodies pressed against each other
a boy and girl whose lips were locked more tightly
than the gargantuan textbooks crammed into my thin, obstinate locker
the mental shock was immediate
beside wondering how they were not succumbing
to death by instant disease
I screamed inside the dim recesses of my over-sheltered brain
“hey, kissing like that only happens in movies!”

hobbling there

I had much to learn
and would
and did
but not without
being really annoying
and somewhat ridiculous
for a very long time
ah, the idealized profaneness of youth

the overdue apology
(now she wears her grownupness so tightly, it causes wrinkling)

to my first boyfriend
go my humble apologies
and this time
I really mean it!

sketch below (ref-senior yearbook photo) done a few days ago
the only young buck I ever let get away with calling me “Annie”
Joe and I remain friends to this day
joe

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32 thoughts on “first boyfriend revised

  1. Well, he’s a cute oneโ€ฆgreat sketch. Hope he’s happy. You had a sheltered childhood, I guess. Most of my Catholic friends were NOT very shelteredโ€ฆLOLOLOL Nope, not at all. ๐Ÿ™‚ He has nice eyes. ๐Ÿ™‚

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      • they rolled their skirts up and tied their shirts under their breastsโ€ฆLOL They put their make up on after school and took it off before they got home. Admittedly, I’m happy they did it because they didn’t “behave and follow the rules.” Most people I knew didn’t follow the rules and parents never knew what anyone did.

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      • lol
        Early on rule-breakers was probably the healthier way to go. With my father being in the FBI – I always believed he would “know…or find out…” ๐Ÿ˜‰
        I went nuts upon arriving at college and beyond ’til I found the line between sanity and maturity ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  2. We always remember the first moments in life: the first boy we liked, the first kiss, the first who left us, … so many firsts…even as we age, there are still firsts. Very nice portrait! Don’t see long side-burns these days.

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  3. I understand my problem now: I should have grown up in your neck of the woods where boys had thick, curly black hair (a weakness, mine). Excellent, mega-talented sketch, AnnMarie (I’m gonna guess Joe’s good looks helped the pencil to find and follow the lines). ๐Ÿ™‚ And your tribute-apology (to Joe) is touching and tenderly revealing — really, very nice indeedy. Hope Joe gets to see this!

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    • lol
      I chatted with Joe before sending his penciled face out into the blogosphere – seeking his a okay or in this case an am okay ๐Ÿ˜‰
      it’s nice after 30+ years we’ve remained friends
      thank you re:art – I hope Joe thinks the same
      am:)

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  4. Lovely reminiscence and nostalgia and as ever, a skilful drawing. Your talent A M never ceases to amaze me…really enjoyed reading this refreshing blog this morning! ๐Ÿ™‚

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  5. Oh, smiling I am this morning over my second cup, reading this!
    But first, I must say, an absolutely amazing sketch! The structure of the cheek bones, the lips, the tendrils of the curly hair — for the life of me I cannot imagine how someone can draw like this and capture life on a piece of paper! What an amazing talent you have — to go from drawing imaginary creatures that test the imagination to real-life eyes and nose and a half face so real, I expect to somehow be able to turn this screen on my computer to see the other half of this person, right here, right now. Amazing!!!!
    And the words…..LOL. Oh, we are kindred spirits, AnnMarie, in so many ways….Catholic grade school till a new junior high was built very near our house, and then the rough awakening to 8th grade….and the lockers and wearing real clothes to school….and the guilt burned into us in terms of what is proper and not. I LOVE this — so many memories, some of which make me cringe and some which make me smile. If a play called Do Patent Leather Shores Really Reflect Up ever comes your way, go see it! You’ll be laughing till you cry. I do recall reading a book of the same name ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the memories….the traumatizing of the boy-girl relationship with that first boy. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m still sitting here smiling!

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    • Thank you for your very generous and thoughtful words here this morning, Lillian.
      More kindred – my high school was a middle school and high school combined, so I was chucked in there in 7th grade. ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Yes, to think back on all the antics, the overwhelming emotions that swallowed one up like uniform knee socks ๐Ÿ™‚
      I’m ever so glad, some early memories can make us smile years (and years) later. And I humbly appreciate your positive art words – I’m smiling as well ๐Ÿ™‚
      Here’s to Tuesday!
      am:)
      I will keep an eye out for that play.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hey AnnMarie beautiful work as always. I wanted to ask you something? You are a very intelligent person and a girl. I had a tragic situation where I had to move on from an online friendship that was very close because i felt she became controlling and jealous. Ashley asked me if I was in love with Rita B the woman I write the stories.I told her no and she refused my answer telling me how i felt saying my stories prove that I am in love with Rita and I am love with Rita. One would think that a man that writes 600 love stories for a girl in Rita might love her but you know me it’s a different kind of love and Rita is the reason I am very kind person today and was very kind and nice to me and my friend when I was fourteen sick with my mental illness and most people were meanies. So there is a saying always remember to treat people well because when you treat them poorly when they are down you are also going to see them on when they get back to the top. 600 stories later speaks for itself. Ashley is married and I couldn’t understand how I felt about Rita mattered to her or affect her. For the nine months that I’ve been friends with Ashley she knows Rita is very important to me and its more of a friendship love than a romantic one. we have talked about it many times so she knows that is a friendship love. What do you think of the whole thing? I think I made the right decision to move on from my friendship with her. Sometimes we have to do what is best for us there is never anything wrong with that.

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    • If you’re asking my opinion, based on what you’ve said here, I believe you made the right choice. You explained your feelings about Rita to Ashley and that should have settled the matter. But my friend, there is a reason jealousy is called the ‘green-eyed monster.’ Once someone is filled with jealousy, nothing else usually fits into their head or heart. They often times have difficulty seeing or hearing things differently. RIta as you’ve described her, has amazing compassion and grace. You have a good friend there.
      As far as your writing, as you grow, you might want to also think about writing about totally different characters. Perhaps, use that imaginative mind of yours to create complete original characters of your own. Ones that have no emotional connections at all and see how you do. It could be challenging and fun too.
      All the best.
      annmarie:)

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      • Thanks AnnMarie. Yea jealousy and being controlling are not good friend traits. Thank you for your advice. I am very young still and I am sure as the years pass I’ll probably go on to create new characters. But I love writing about all my friends and of course Rita B. It makes them happy and feel special that is why I love doing it. A lot of my friends have mental health issues or personal problems so my stories make them feel better. But I see what you are saying if I never wrote about real people I am connected with maybe I would be free of dealing with situations like this. I will just follow my heart that usually leads me to the right place.

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      • Thanks AnnMarie you are a genius artist,a super intelligent person, an extremely beautiful woman inside and out someone I respect and love. You will see a lot more AnnMarie stories to come. If I was a betting man I would bet everything I own that the Rita B stories will continue on while I am in the nursing home or if they take me upstairs in heaven. It was sad another friendship ended between me and Marta. It didn’t really have us stop being friends she just couldn’t be on facebook anymore. It was unhealthy for her I know she was dealing with grief and not sure if you understand but facebook and social media sites can be bad for people with mental illness. We can read into things and are just extremely sensitive. I was very lucky before Marta left I wrote a birthday story for her daughter Lillian who was turning 5 on thursday and this was tuesday so I got lucky and caught Marta before she left. I don’t think she is coming back to facebook. But it was a great way to end things as it meant a lot to her I wrote her daughter a birthday story. But no one can say for sure what the future holds we just got to live life and not worry about it. Things always come together. You have a great day too AnnMarie. Big hugs!

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      • Yea I got to keep writing these stories for the special people and the special girls. I think though I have my health issues I’ll live a very long life. I’ll always be writing and people who keep active and working live longer lives. I am excited to see how my life goes. It has been a rocky road but it led me to a good friend in you. So life is pretty good.

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  7. Ah, your Joe looks like a heartbreaker! It is truly amazing how some of us manage to go from having two left feet and tripping over them as well as our words…and become coordinated enough to not only to maneuver through the real world, but to be authentic women capable of loving and being loved. Beautiful artwork, perfect words, AnnMarie. – Fawn

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    • Thank you, Fawn.
      Poor Joe was only the beginning of a long line of relationships that I played the ‘crazy girl’ in – growing up into ‘normal’ ๐Ÿ™‚ is crazy too, but the healthy kind ๐Ÿ™‚ Glad you and I both survived to chat here about it ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you
      am:)

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  8. I love how we all have these unique, yet universal experiences of life that get translated into poetry. Your words are wonderful, Ann Marie. As for your artistic abilities – to quote one of the judges on AGT – “off the chain”!

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