I can no longer wait for you

I’m still waiting for you
I think I’ve always been
no
I know I’ve always been
forty years past
scanning the stars glued inside my baseball cap
before each at bat, desperate not to strike out
thirty years ago
face first, hair second, brain third
hoping you’ll notice me
twenty year flashback there I am running
six miles alongside the busiest roads
why don’t you pullover and take me away
fifteen years ago
off those roads striving for inroads
sending, sending, sending
out my door, into yours
hoping something manages the mail slot
ten years recent past
what a tease
you were never really interested
I wasn’t even close was I
today
I can wait no longer wait for you
all my past tactics have failed
there is no one to find me
you were never there

I must turnaround
I must stop dreaming
no fantasy fingers will tie my work to a star
with a glittering red bow

I must float on my own
or
I will fall flat and be trampled upon
by more creative beasts
Taurean Bull
my little monster love book must now be sold and I must sell it.
“…I could burn with the splendor of the brightest fire or else I could choose time…” –Lament from Evita

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10 thoughts on “I can no longer wait for you

  1. I read and re-read your lovely words here and kept thinking of that June Jordan quote: “We are the ones we have been waiting for.” AM has long been waiting for AM. At least you know that (many don’t), and at least you’ve found yourself (many haven’t). And at least you are doing something about it (many never do). Time – what is time, right? All things in their own good time. Some speedily row ahead, some take longer to leave the dock. So what. What’s the shore you’re rowing toward? How will you know when you get there? What if you never do? What if you do and you don’t like that view? [All of these are rhetorical questions, btw, LOL] AM will figure it all out – she always has, always will. DS:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • ah, DS – my stalwart shipmate
      how we travel over the waters, ever tempted to pull those dinghy corks, yet, we persevere – why – shit, cause we can and we got paddles
      thank you, my friend
      I promise this – I will always try to figure things out even though I suck at math
      am:)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “no fantasy fingers will tie my work to a star
    with a glittering red bow
    I must float on my own”

    Interesting….I just read in a post for dVerse today (I’m providing the prompt to write a poem that includes the word “bridge”)…that a poem is a bridge. Yep….your word almost always does that for me. Meaning, it gets me thinking and I connect from some words, some phrase that bridges over into my mind and I relate and keep going with it. These words I copied above….I’m reminded that while I wish for every woman to find her life partner (as you and I were fortunate to do), I also want her to stand on her own….tie her star with a glittering red bow of her own intellect, and “float on her own.” We can do both….and those of us fortunate enough to do that are truly blessed. So here’s to a red bow in your hair AM — as you float on your own and your book does too! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi there, Lillian-
      this piece cuts very near to my creative heart – as my book hoofs about, I realize I am the shepherd – herding the only chance it has to become something more than what it is – and this thinking puts me into another place – the shallow confidence pool where I must swim deep
      thank you for your kind words here
      and I’m so very happy you find springboards in between the words
      am:)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You can no longer wait for me?? Huh! I like that!– after I rode my unicycle all the way to the supermarket to buy caviar and champagne for the two of us… : )

    Well, I’m back, so take off yer roller skates, siddown and behave yerself. The bad news: they were out of caviar and champagne. The good news: I got some fishsticks, raspberry iced tea, and a bouquet of steenking reddest roses…

    Stars inside my baseball cap… yes, I remember trying that back in high school. I still struck out, but I wound up with glitter in my hair, which made a nice change from the dandruff… : )

    Well, I’m very excited. You see, I lied: I didn’t go to the supermarket– I went to MyBookOrders.com, and ordered this weird monster book. I know it’s gonna be a very bad influence on me, and I’m looking forward to it. “Earthy, gritty, lustful…” Gosh! I’m glad I paid the extra $3.99 for a plain brown wrapper…

    Well, time to stick these steenking roses in a vase and pop the fishsticks in the oven. It doesn’t get much more exciting than this– not till I get that book anyway… : )

    Liked by 1 person

    • wow! thank you so very much, funny man
      how I appreciate your words and your money😉(of course, you know this publishing stuff is a losing proposition – well, that is-until Oprah calls;))
      Mark, I value your generous words and creative support – I’m truly honored by it all🤗
      am:)
      ps adding insult to injury – not only do you lose money when you self-publish, you actually have to pay for all books shipping – can you freakin’ believe that, oh well 😄

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve yet to self-publish anything myself, but am committed to having a go, specifically a children’s book at some point, written for my own amusement. I anticipate the cost of printing it in color will, essentially, require a selling price that only a fool or a millionaire would pay. Ah, well. There’s always a catch, as I should full well have known…

        When you say you (the author) had to pay shipping for your books: may I assume you mean books you had shipped to yourself so you could distribute them to area bookstores, while retaining some copies for book signings? I guess that makes sense in a cruel way, tho I hadn’t considered it. Stay the course, you monster talent, you!! : )

        Liked by 1 person

      • I will buy your book, Sir, in advance! You are not only funny but damn talented too!
        As far as paying shipping – sadly – my books are in a warehouse as well as my house – the warehouse books go to Amazon, B&N and my personal order page fulfillment – the shipping from any 3rd party vendor to buyer must be covered by the self-publisher (me) – so my funny friend (boy, I wish you could tell me a joke right now – I’d love to laugh) is paid by yours truly. I also have to pay for any books shipped directly to my house for book events – boohoo – that’s why I priced my book at 17.99 – to cover shipping costs – geez what the hell…
        remind me again, why we do this😉oh, talented one
        and oh yes, thank you as always for keeping the perpetual smile on my face😊

        Liked by 1 person

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