I need crap, but eyes can’t see it

I needed to see the stars this morning desperate to dream with my eyes open. The moon too, as I was being quite demanding. But neither moon or stars presented themselves to me. The sky was trampled beneath a mosh pit of cloud crap. I stood there disappointed and aggravated over these sky-high brighteners failing to lift me in my time of neediness. I grew pissed in fact, at the audacity of mother earth to disappoint one of her own good-natured tenants. I’m the guy trying to keep happy up, up, up, and I’m looking up, up, up at a shitty sky. Fuck, I don’t deserve this. I’m so wonderful and should have stars whenever I need them.

While sulking for a well-deserved miracle, my brilliant Dachshund speaks to me in the dark morning cold. No not really. Someone was talking though. She was saying how I don’t appreciate the stars enough to see them. The stars and moon are ever-present. They haven’t been vanquished, my vision has. My ability to see beauty on the floor when its trampled beneath a mosh pit of crap. I should close my eyes and see whatever it is I need to lift my spirits. No one, hell not even a brilliant Dachshund, can do this for me. Good as I force my heart to be, I am not that good. There are selfish thoughts brewing and I blow them out like candles on a cake I covet.

I stand in awkward silence, having just been berated by an old-school friend. I allow her voice clarity and give into the honesty of this truth. I don’t appreciate all that is. There is a gorgeousness about this place, past the mosh pit of crap. No one can take the stars or moon from my eyes. Or yours. I adore nasty Dachshund breath, even though I loathe it. Mojo is warm and sweet. We are all blessed with the brilliant night sky, regardless of what transpires daily below it. There is up and we need to focus our vision there.

Now I am happy. It is time to take my son to school. He is a driver-in-training so he’s behind the wheel. We are cruising by a student who’s walking to school. A football falls from his backpack but goes unnoticed by him. In my pleasant beautiful calm, I roll down the passenger window and call out to the boy. While doing this my anxious arm swings out, pointing to the football behind him. Here, my eyeglasses go flying out the window. My son pulls the car over at the first opportunity. I leap out and sprint to find my glasses flattened. Damn

And I thought my vision was cured after my morning epiphany. Sometimes what can you do, but suck it up, cry or chuckle.

features

features

I wrote this at 6 am but decided to post in the pm. I didn’t listen or watch live inauguration coverage. I read President Trump’s speech just awhile ago online. Next to last paragraph of his speech had an uncanny ring. Hmm, I wonder what it all means…😉

“And whether a child is born in the urban sprawl of Detroit or the windswept plains of Nebraska, they look up at the same night sky, they fill their heart with the same dreams and they are infused with the breath of life by the same Almighty Creator.”

Goodnight, Gracie…

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8 thoughts on “I need crap, but eyes can’t see it

  1. Beautiful work AnnMarie! All hail to The AnnMarie! I am not worthy! Finished my musical it was great. Taking a breakskee having pasta cant wait for football Sunday. Be well my pretty beautiful superstar artist lady! Speaking of that time to read ‘love of the monster’ again good read after din din!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Whatever you’re drinking, eating, reading, watching, or doing — I like this direction you’re taking and I’d suggest you keep on keepin’ on. 🙂 Truly, AM, there’s a new voice rising up off the page here, a strong but questioning one that’s intriguing as hell and beautiful to follow. You still have that optimistic flourish, but it’s tinted around the edges, and I like that.

    I, too, didn’t watch any of today’s inauguration. I worked and ran instead. While I’m just not sure about this administration and what it will bring, I do sort of feel optimistic that “the people,” especially artists, writers and other creatives, will rise up — yes, look up! — and meet the challenges we lazily overlooked for so many years. Maybe the darkest hours offer the brightest hope. ??? We shall see!

    “Features” — now I know why you capture eyes so well …

    DS

    Liked by 1 person

    • the world is wobbling it feels like-
      I’m approaching work writing a bit differently each time – really trying to find a voice that will settle down a but and one that I think I can live with and improve upon – searching, searching…
      thank you, DS
      am:)

      Liked by 1 person

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