This is a post from September of last year. Three weeks after I originally wrote this, Rocky died. The amazing thing for this exceptional animal was that he passed away peacefully in our home right after we all said goodbye that night and the very day before my mother-in-law moved in. His illness would have made a difficult transition for her even more trying. I cannot believe how much he is still missed. The good ones always are.
I think I made you sick after you showed up on my blue canvas. A painting I patted myself on the shoulder for. I’m so very sorry, my dear friend. Did I do that to you? And it is too late now. I can take nothing back. Not one thing. I should have castrated my selfish fingers. You were saying you were sick. I didn’t hear your silent words. I wasn’t listening. For two months, I think it was two months, I can’t remember exactly–I was buried in my meaningful life. You kept hanging around my studio. You hadn’t ever done that before. Well you had, but not to stay. You’d give a gentle hello then return to your usual places, ones of comfort like the sofa by the piano. We called it “your bed,” not our couch. Actually it was a love seat. The couch knew more than I. It knew how to comfort and be there accepting the additional weight of the masses spreading inside you. The casual invaders I’d grown too busy to notice.
And now, I watch your chest breathing up and down. It is your heart saying goodbye. I’m listening now my friend. I am listening now. Please forgive me when I must say my final goodbye to you and mean it from the depth of my selfish soul.
Rocky the Shepherd and Mojo the Dachshund – painted last year, forever hanging above our mantel
For the last several days, I’ve been purging my studio. This has included perusing files where many short stories and manuscripts duly sleep.
This past year I managed to complete and send out an illustrated project (my first). But for the past five years, I haven’t fleshed out one work of fantasy. Back when my YA (young adult) stories were submitted, publishers like Llewellyn, Dutton, and Knopf all requested to read more. After these second reviews, my manuscripts received (what I like to call) ‘positive rejections.’ The general consensus – my characters though, “…quirky, interesting, lively…,” were incomplete. These ‘positive rejections’ have allowed me to believe there is merit to my work but I need to improve upon what I’m doing.
The second piece of focus–my art. My wall easel has not seen a fresh canvas in quite sometime. I haven’t worked with loose color in a while. Below is my painting, “Jess” the little girl who began my love of expression. The post on her is called, Burning to Paint. I keep her close at all times.
In my post-writing process, I’ve discovered a sort of “free verse” voice I was unaware of. At the ‘tender bullying’ of some blogger friends (you know who you are), I might look into ‘publishing’ some of these in the future. Each post I’ve written for, anntogether has taken thought and time. I don’t ever want that to change (nor do I want to embarrass myself with work I’m not proud of).
I began this blog to put my art and writing into a sharing forum. I so enjoy exchanging ideas, thoughts and looking upon all your creative masterpieces. I’m daily blown away by the endless universe of talent and the selfless time fellow bloggers give of themselves. But if I want to share more art, I have to make it first…
Just look through my studio doors, there is a dog who doesn’t get enough attention and a piano that is not being played. Oh, yeah and there’s that family, the ones who live outside my studio – two teens and a giant husband – all whom I adore.
So my friends, I’ll be gone just a bit–taking in some summer time. I’m not sure of the duration – who knows – I might pine for this addictive blogosphere too much (I’m missing it already and I have even left yet). I might come back with my paintbrush tail between my legs and my stories will have to remain sleeping awhile longer in their file drawer coffin.
I wish you all a glorious summer start and nothing but magic for your lofty dreams…
I’ve been functioning as a student’s scribe for the last few weeks. During this time, I’ve had the pleasure of sitting in a high school classroom minus the ‘pressure.’ I’m thoroughly enjoying the experience the second time around. Much to my surprise, I’m absorbing Trig and Chemistry, my past personal nightmares. Both course teachers have exceptional delivery styles.
If I’d had the good fortune of learning from either one of these instructors, I might have become a mad scientist or a power broker with a ‘smancy’ car. Who knows? Anyway, yesterday I was me. Me had some free time in school and used it to sketch some ideas for future posts. This first concept was glued in my head from a prior conversation with a fellow blog friend about astrological signs. Guess what I am 🙂
Thank you. May you dream of floating on stars and swinging by your hair.
I’m looking for a girl-a young girl. She’s about 4’5″ tall, brown eyes and sports a mussed shag. Chances are she’ll have scabby knees. She’ll most likely be wearing a blue, white and green plaid shirt. Last seen she was riding her bicycle. The stingray is like a vintage sports car in restoration. The metal frame is an odd hue-a sort of sepia puking-up orange color. The seat is banana-shaped and covered in plastic leopard. The girl is one of those tomboy types. And other than to say she’s tough and possesses a sort of indomitable spirit there isn’t much else to dissect. Don’t forget to look up in the trees because she could be hanging out there. Don’t pass by large mounds of dirt without searching either-she loves the stuff and will most likely blend in. She is a fearless kid who has a take charge attitude and a ‘don’t-mess-with-me’ smirk. If you should find her you may approach and say ‘hi’. Her name is AnnMarie and she is never at a loss for words. Oh, but don’t mess with her little sister, ’cause AnnMarie will kick your ass.
(I’ve been going back to older posts and placing images in some, I apologize if some posts load a little slowly-I’m gettin’ a handle on this photo thing and learning to use other apps to make pretty collages…fearless AnnMarie would be able to help me out. I must find her!)