mermaid dreams

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bein’

is that all there is
have you given everythin’ you got
if this is it
all there is
and there ain’t anymore
why you not pushin’
mind
body
spirit
all the way
what ya doin’
I’ve been waitin’ here
for you
always
to stop bein’ you
and start
bein’

aren’t I worth an effort
you certainly are
glimmers be there
though you hide ’em as best ya can
I know you
I know you
I wish you was inside me now
man, the things we would do
could do
together
don’t ya know
I’d never hurt you
never
I get you
need you so bad
to understand
c’mon

better getta move on
time to steel those wobblin’ guts
have I given’ it my all
man up, AM (insert your initials here)
what the hell
ya waitin’ for
hurry up
before you
and yer words
fade away
to nuttin’
washed-out-selfie
don’t usually post my face but I liked fading the image away with the words-thank you

winery night and bouncing balls

“…don’t you know that I gotta get outta here, ’cause New York’s not my home” –Jim Croce

mind not with me for quite some time
body went out though
knee-high grass parking
set back in dark pasture land, maybe once a cornfield
my nose like a basset hound’s
I catch grape bouquets
imagine sweet dark berry assortments to be offered
the tiny sample glasses make me feel more giant
this makes me giggle
got wedges on, I’m flirtin’ with six feet but not the moon
paper lights strung around blowing in the delicious breeze
yellow hair walking everywhere looks white in the fading light
bright spots like sparkles on the ocean
my friend–one of my best, we’re out for a chat and a drink
I’m thinking about a decadent red, only one
I’m designated this eve
we made a pledge to get together more often
and sample different places
what a blast driving the Explorer through the long grass faster than I should
sparkly sandals and tight white pants aplenty
relaxed postures not worried about making first impressions
most are comfortable in their own skin by now
love that benefit
this is a relaxed crowd
laughter filtering off wine bottles on wooden tables
it’s a gorgeous night
all night spots should be outdoors
you can look at the stars when you don’t want to look at faces
the band starts blowing
this is going to be thick brass
four horns at a winery
and there goes the music
these folks are jammin’ more than I thought they would
a giant ball bounces into the air
it takes out one of the stage microphones
that’s as rowdy as it gets
these types of cover bands usually play, Brown Eyed Girl
most caramel irises believe the song was written for them
it calls them in droves to the dirt floor dance area
not too many songs pine over brown, it’s usually crystal blue or sea green
but always red lips
the wine does not disappoint
we chuckle something fierce at the wide breadsticks
yes, sometimes we get a little dirty-minded
the indoor bar area has a copper surface
I can’t take my eyes off the gorgeous reflections
we get our wine to go, adult-size plastic for our walk back out
it was a wonderful night
I don’t have a pen but I’m punching phone buttons
all thumbs
so I remember this

winery“Well, things were spinning round me
And all my thoughts were cloudy
And I had begun to doubt all the things that were me
Been in so many places
You know I’ve run so many races
And looked into the empty faces of the people of the night
And something is just not right” –Jim Croce

may she sparkle

Caroline detail

Caroline detail

Didn’t think much about it. I seldom do. Heard it was difficult. It is. She’s going off to become whatever it is she wants to become. She will be a student of sustainable agriculture. I ventured into Mad Men territory while in school. We are different that way. The best way possible. She will try to effect agricultural change. Make an earthly impact. Walking our Dachshund this morning (still miss my Shepherd) gazing down at the road thinking back to those days–trying to remember lessons for her. The rocks and tar rolled out then rumbled flat. There are cracks and joint fixes. Sparkles of glass and dull-faced stones. Her life will be like this road. Combinations of things adhered together, splitting sometimes, getting fixed or not, hot in the heat, icy in the cold–dangerous at times. Her feet will walk as she destines they should–barefoot or booted. She will be smart and she will not be smart. Go off to study abroad. Maybe fall in love or at least what she thinks is. I pray she will be happy. I know to ask for ‘always’ is unrealistic. She is so much more confident than I was at that age. I’m hoping enough to keep her out of situations. When one doesn’t like who they see each morning in the glass, trouble follows. I didn’t think she would be teary-eyed. She is. But she is also excited. Imagine, it’s all shiny right now…may it glisten for a long while. This place is more raw than ever. And they all know it. Let them enjoy the sparkle in a bubble while they can pretend.
caroline largerphoto detail-Caroline, age 18
above, painting detail, from a larger portrait-Caroline is 8

imagining rain

the sky showers down in shimmering rivulets
cleansing the earth of leftovers
something we planet guardians don’t do well
cloud masses end load the cycle
pouring so hard sometimes
dearest pets have been given over to frame the scene
the water is exquisite in its clean smell
vertical rivers stream to feed the parched
those below drink the life giving stuff and absorb the mist
beyond illusion or imagery of form to paint this memory
it is light itself
breath from heaven

yet
here I am, older
fancied up in a lace-lined number for celebrating
heels, so I stand fake slim at six feet tall
makeup applied hoping I might fool some years away
and all I can say about this gorgeous rain is
CRAP
my makeup is gonna run
MarilynMM is a 2′ tall print from a litho plate I painstakingly etched in college
I used this particular art thinking how we can sometimes be
a bit outside-centric rather than inside-evolved

(I’m ashamed to admit I’m guilty of this from time to time)

MM’s photo reference from the talented photographer Philippe Halsman (1906-1973)

bella Carmella

when I mock sing
Italian opera
I think of you
your voice
gorgeous and liquid
transcends she does
her bella Carmella voice
her fantastic smile
the young life in those enchanted eyes
out glittering the sparkly attire she enjoys wearing
brighter still the personality beneath those bedazzled fabrics
effervescent in style
in life
spirited as a child
loving 
genuine embraces
warmer than any Paul Bunyan’s giant arms could offer

endlessly enchanted am I
of you
your zeal, your zest
passion beyond anything I might ever acquire
but continually strive for
because you are relentless
in your drive for motion
learning
learned
stunning in beauty
still
out, in and all about
and when I mock sing
Italian opera
this year
I will do so in Italian
the language of my ancestors
I’m enrolling in
bella Carmella’s autumn Italian class
for beginners
ready am I to learn
from the most fabulous woman
in my world

I adore you
mother of mine
xoxo
millie at 79Carmella, 80 years of age pictured here

Forget Waldo, I’m Looking for Someone Else…

I’m looking for a girl-a young girl. She’s about 4’5″ tall, brown eyes and sports a mussed shag. Chances are she’ll have scabby knees. She’ll most likely be wearing a blue, white and green plaid shirt. Last seen she was riding her bicycle. The stingray is like a vintage sports car in restoration. The metal frame is an odd hue-a sort of sepia puking-up orange color. The seat is banana-shaped and covered in plastic leopard. The girl is one of those tomboy types. And other than to say she’s tough and possesses a sort of indomitable spirit there isn’t much else to dissect. Don’t forget to look up in the trees because she could be hanging out there. Don’t pass by large mounds of dirt without searching either-she loves the stuff and will most likely blend in. She is a fearless kid who has a take charge attitude and a ‘don’t-mess-with-me’ smirk. If you should find her you may approach and say ‘hi’. Her name is AnnMarie and she is never at a loss for words. Oh, but don’t mess with her little sister, ’cause AnnMarie will kick your ass.
Me and Do little(I’ve been going back to older posts and placing images in some, I apologize if some posts load a little slowly-I’m gettin’ a handle on this photo thing and learning to use other apps to make pretty collages…fearless AnnMarie would be able to help me out. I must find her!)