The Lollipop Vanishes

(Above, a recent sketch I did of my dear friend, DS Levy. My reference was a photo taken when the amazingly talented writer known as little Deb had a typewriter already growing in her heart)

Man, it has been a long time since I’ve posted. Like you all, I’m juggling coffee mugs attempting to make a Venetian decanter. I’ve been doing quite a bit of writing and ‘arting’ offline. ‘Tis difficult wanting to do it all with the damn clock dictating the days.

I do hope you, your families and friends are doing okay.

Here’s a piece I wrote sometime ago while sipping coffee in the kitchen of my previous home:)


The Lollipop Vanishes

The cold isn’t done yet. It remains bluster-blue out there. Steam from my morning coffee marinates my face while a pen hanging from the calendar on my pantry door doodles pictograms. The wind spirits are still dancing. Shouldn’t have cracked the kitchen sliders open so early. Perhaps the swinging pen is scrawling a message from beyond, should I pray or wipe the door down?  

Time flips on its head whenever clouds sail by that fast. Between sips of luke warm coffee, I remember me as a little girl in brown polyester, a tomboy with a pageboy, and a half-shirted party girl. Young woman with a career, an apartment, a sports car, a motorcycle.

As a lefty, I never learned biker right-hand turns. The bike went away. I totaled my car. The car went away. I bought another car. Got married. We moved from New Jersey to New York. We had children. Moved into a bigger house. Our large dog died. We got another dog. Plus a smaller dog for child anxiety. My children earned degrees.

Our family had a bad eleven weeks that killed my father and mother-in-law and gave my mother a massive stroke. My mother died three years later. I don’t remember being her caregiver. My children moved into their new lives. We downsized into a new “old” house. My husband’s hair turned grey. My older relatives are nearly done dying. A box of Clairol waits in the wings for me.

In one of my book clubs, I’m the oldest, in the other, I’m the youngest. I worry the elder members will pass on before reading the next book selection.

The lollipop vanishes, and the goddamn stick can beat you into the ground if you let it.

Look out there, the gray is fading to light purple. How lovely. That’s something I haven’t seen in a while.


am:)



Sometimes the cold tries very hard

to bore into the underbelly of our hearts.

When trying to imagine the light
this grey time of year can envelop us
in its blue without shadow

To taste the sun on our bones
we must always be willing to barrel down the glassy peaks —
ice be damned!

(image courtesy of some screensaver thing somewhere)

– this morning I was thinking about the ice dark outside my studio window and these words found their way into my cold dang fingers – this is my winter desktop every year – it changes along with the seasons

I hope you’re all managing well.
am:)

A Two-headed Calf Once Broke My Heart

For those unfamiliar with the poem The Two-headed Calf, it was written by Laura Gilpin (1950-2007). This force of nature came to me by way of my dear friend, DS Levy.

Ms. Gilpin’s tragic, yet beautiful portrait reminds us of the choice each one of us can make regardless of our circumstance or time on this earth. The Two-headed Calf is taped to my computer where my singular brain absorbs it daily.

When I was a child, my brothers and sisters often visited the Blauvelt Museum (shown below) to gaze at its many taxidermy displays. One animal in particular always tore at my heart — the two-headed calf mounted on the wall above the mantle who looked through me with her six dark limpid eyes. How I wish I knew of Ms. Gilpin’s poem back then.

Hiram Blauvelt was a philanthropist, conservationist, art and animal collector. Ironically, Hiram was a big game hunter, and his kills provided the conservationist displays.

“Through his big game and private wildlife art collections, Hiram hoped to promote the cultural value of wildlife art and the need for conservation of its subjects and their habitats.” “Founded in 1957 as a natural history museum, the Blauvelt Museum introduced students, scouts and youth groups to the need to support wildlife and habitats conservation. Visiting artists created drawings and paintings from close observation of the specimens.”

In searching for the images for this post, I was elated to learn of Blauvelt’s direction. When the ‘hunt-then display to promote conservationism’ philosophy fell out of favor, “…the Board of Directors of the Blauvelt-Demarest Foundation decided that the original objectives would be best achieved by redesigning the museum to feature the works of contemporary wildlife artists, built on the artistic foundation of the Blauvelt’s early collection of works…” And among its many wonderful events, today’s Blauvelt also hosts an art museum residence program.

I Miss Her Too Much—Still

I don’t often show post-stroke images of my beautiful mom. I share the image (below) to share Millie’s joy.

Through three years of relentless pain, Millie smiled and expressed joy. Knowing her was a gift, and her lessons of love🌹 remain with me.

As her Halloween Birthday🎃 arrives, I will smile impossibly wide to pay Millie’s gift forward in a world that needs a hell of a lot more love❤️🌎

I wish you all a fun, fabulous, creative, smiling, and safe👻Happy Halloween!
am:)

(image below taken many harvest moons ago when Millie and Billy were cruisin’ around in their convertible Mustang GT, and my kiddies were not yet costing us college money😁)

Incidentals!

My talented friend, DS Levy, has published her latest creation and it’s absolutely glorious!

The stories in Incidentals are hard hitting with a touch of cloud here and there—but not always. DS Levy’s pages will pull you on a journey that delivers the raw reality and the gut punches only a lifelong and passionate writer can throw.

DS Levy’s fiction has appeared in numerous print and online journals since receiving her M.F.A. in Creative Writing/Fiction, from the Bennington Writing Seminars, in 1997. She has received Pushcart and Best Microfiction nominations and has had her work listed in Wigleaf’s Top 50 several times.

Footnote: Deb and I met while blogging back in 2014. I consider her not only a fantastic writing instructor, but a dear friend who is truly one of the most honest, deep-thinking, animal-loving persons I’ve ever met on this creative life-journey.

I hope you and your families are managing on this crazy spinning planet of ours.

am:)

Why Create in This Woeful World of Ours

“With all the darkness that’s going on the world, you can look at the darkness, just
don’t stare. It will make you crazy. It will make you cross eyed. It will make you
what it is. The solution is to create magic, dance, sing, love. Create environments
where you can create joy. Because you can create joy.” —RuPaul

Occasionally and sometimes often, I remind myself why it is that I create critters and creatures from the comfort of a warm and comfortable studio, sleeping dachshund at my feet, food in the fridge, clean water at my disposal (for now…) while man’s madness blinds him to the fires burning the land, the books, the beauty, the ballot boxes, the bridges, the rainbows…

Reconstruction Writing from My Kitchen Sink


Long ago, I began what I affectionately titled my ‘kitchen-sinking file’
an ever-growing repository to hold my murdered darlings —
the words I couldn’t jettison into the infinite, all-powerful,
sometimes destructive, and often just downright crappy
void of invisible voices

For this first short reconstructed piece, I wanted an environmental theme — Though the merged thoughts are depressing, this was an enjoyable exercise to do. I hope to create a few more of these pieces in the future.

Reconstruction 1:

NATURE VS US
we seem to be fighting against her

only one of us can emerge victorious

I.
while we busy ourselves engraving our legacies into granite
the concrete angel arms waiting for our bones fade away
beneath the ebb and flow of our disbelief

II.
DELETED as we delete the things we detest

III.
beyond the horizon, where the hot lands submerge
he rolls his great mane to rest upon the blackened grass south of the Sahara
      the great space around him vanishing as he sleeps

IV.
slipping and whipping down the burning slide
saddled to a cement slab in sun dried: Any Town,
Earth County
ZipZapped000

V.
obfuscators of earth’s guardianship whose clasped hands grip limitless wealth
      (go ahead, toss those deposit boxes and time capsules into the rising sea)

…and they tossed their wishing well coins

VI.
sometimes our beasts go silent
sometimes our beasts escape
most often they starve to death
despite their accumulated knowledge

VII.
long ago, a pregnant virgin cradled my childhood faith

VIII.
I must remember skating on Papa’s ice pond, and I must always pray for spring

——————————————————————————————-
captured footnote: X——-X
entry: byte.non–f (fire drive destroyed 2025/alt recovery file cap 219) 5Z 7K 24X: date doc//
October of the 6th route//2030
——-
archive:context txtvolume79033cvx130..:///Rational science had been crushed beneath the Mad Believers (4fT99)//and those by their side squatted on the world… during this period, fear and hate thrived and love un-lived
Entry200060002324//eventually The Mad Belief (ipsumibidMXCII1112) was forgotten ///recollected during nature’s self-purge/mankind no longer present… ———- end entry…datapoint…X
recording 54567 —–someone screaming on the floating island
collect years, savaged roots, where are you all???end transmis
/’’’tend the children well/’’’’’ they begged, sow seeds, plant saplings
you there – apologize for unsalvageable soil. unusable water
earth’s clock solar-powered
no backup
no backward
angels’ concrete dissolved

Hi there,
How I wish there was more love flooding the world rather than tidal waves.
Nonetheless, I’ve anchored the drywall in warm hues.
(Blue DragonUmp latex satin too depressing)
Here’s a brush of autumn color for your chilled porch.

artwork created a few years back, updated recently (snake & squirrel created with Prisma & watercolor marker, snake background created with Canva/fun program:))

The Steady Blue Firmament

vito fbi copy 3
Dear Dad,

Your eyes flashed the colors of a summer storm.
Thunder rolled along the pink of your mouth.
Your shadow filled our home whether you were with it or not.
All this hurricane in one man.

But as terrifying as the clouds of my childhood could be at times, you were the sky.
How I miss the steady blue firmament of your presence in my life.
Today, somewhere out there in the nebula, you’ve turned 92 years old.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Love,
AnnMarie

I can never say enough

about my beautiful mom who’s smiling down today and every day❤️

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all you spectacular moms🌹!

Millie shown here at 25 years of age with my sis Grace:)
Geez man, I wish I had been blessed with that gorgeous broad smile!

This will be the newest year…

elf

‘Overwhelmed’ looms on the flashing billboards of my irises
‘Uncertainty…’ notches tighter the belt of the world
I’ve yet to decide on an acceptable version of heaven
Still, I must not give into ‘the unfinished’ of the past newest year
This will be the newest year!

My mettle must leap beyond obeyance of previous resolutions
Fundamental confusion must not stymie my goodwill tenacity
‘Where to begin’ roadblocks must not unseat me
On or off, I am driver, I am driver, I am driver
In my hands, my keys, below my keys, my feet
This will be the newest year!

The impractical apparatus of time must be accepted
In the know is the ‘now’ where we all exist
nothing more
nothing less
With less one can always make more, I can always make more
This will be the newest year!

As this newest year approaches, wineries will bottle their harvests
The media and social will continue their ‘rule of sale’
quintessential chaos begets profit, profit begets stockholders,
stockholders rule the world
“We can all save someone, we cannot save everyone”
—good words for a nearby desk sticky note
This will be the newest year!

Those standing ahead of my engine might consider
I won’t have the balls to roll them
And, they are correct
There are ways around not having your goodness stolen
Fire exists in many forms, I can choose one
This will be the newest year!

Poe spoke of “long fits of sanity”
before he fell into a coma while wearing someone else’s clothes
There is something masterful in the un-mastered struggle
the purity of the un-chartered quest on a quiet day
‘Hold to heart my windmill’ I must sing each morning
as I shake the rust off my fingernails
This will be the newest year!

Wishing you all a kinder and more peaceful newest year
Here’s to 2023!

Love, am:)