uneven candles

I updated my “About” page last week – been writing offline in an effort (as so many of us share the same dream cloud) to send my art and writing off to more clouds…

here is a piece I had published in Red Fez Magazine – thank you

for Lily

what is motherhood if not by your side
watching you my love
what is pure in my life holding by a wisp within your deconstructing body
sweet child how I need to scream inside the ocean
smack the gods
embrace the spirits
where you won’t hear my pain
these arms and legs of mine so powerful
if I could give them and live to hold you still,
carry you as I have done across these years
never with regret
all that I am
wrapped around your life
such beauty in your speaking eyes, your soul-plumped mouth
how you’ve grown these past seasons
metal-bar suns and rubber-tube moons following along your flesh
yet
you and I have traveled so much longer than they believed possible
now
you grow a bit tired
your little body weary from the outside
fatigue settling some on the inside where my care holds you together
but still fierce in your heart
in your eyes of earth
you are my rock
you are my joy
not in any time
in any space
of any moment
will I ever grow tired
of your heart living inside mine

Gallean with ragdoll

to my cousin, Marie for her beautiful daughter, Lily xo

a flat world where things sometimes roll off

sitting at my kitchen table–
a flat world where things sometimes roll off
‘thoughts’ cram my vapid head
never to disappoint, there she is my gooey, ‘Annie Oakley’
the incessant ‘creative’ cowgirl who rides my bulging brain every morning
trying her ‘Wild West’ best to lasso bucking words
working up quite a sweat she is, as I so often do trying to be ‘clever’
I’ve no chance of corralling these wild beasts
wax fences are nonexistent in my vacant mind
the most ‘insightful’ prose gallop directly out my right ear
wax that should be in my empty head is on the kitchen table–
a flat world where things sometimes roll off
here a tiny flame–cruelly trapped in a jar–flickers
–
like my tongue used to so many years ago
watching the singular flame burn, I imagine it raging
but the cold fireplace is empty like my head
outside the kitchen sliders, a tiny tufted .6 ounce titmouse
enjoys the seed I loaded in the feeder
others will be along
oh yes, here they come
the heavy snow is cascading down and these frail birds are stronger
than my slumbering two hundred and fifty-five pound son at the moment
when I was little
my mom and dad served as bookends at our rectangular kitchen table
their six children, incomplete chapters
now my parents have a round table too, with obligatory leaves for visitors
no more sharp corners for any of us
oh, a beautiful red-headed woodpecker has joined the snow-ladened feast
luckily for him his long chiseled beak is as sharp as it is
otherwise, he couldn’t reach the seed
life doesn’t have to dull everything down
it is glorious to have a point sometimes
isn’t it?
wildfire

is it here

is it here
the lifetime
the hours
the minutes
the moments
you work so hard for
kill yourself
push your mind to its unsustainable limits
your heart to its non-containable boundaries
those out-of-sync metal drums
steel tubers slithering between your ears
a maelstrom of indecent wavelengths
not silent since
Silent Night split open the cheer seams
of your calloused fingers
will they ever notice
will he
the lifetime
the hours
the minutes
the moments
sacrificed
a shining star at the top
these endless soul-lurching efforts
is what you daily imagine
when your brain has space left
and the tree is vertical
upright and fresh
in the daylight
things hide beneath other weights
wet spoons and sockets could fry away this opus
remember to wait for the dark
I promise
delicate lights will remind you
rest a minute
a moment
allow the silent night
to quiet your nerves
in this tiny magical space
reserved for you alone
the lifetime
the hours
the minutes
the moments
the ruckus in your body
the battles in your mind
the promise to yourself
never lose sight of the star
the one you placed perfectly on the tree
in the finest snippets of clarity
your mantra
and mine
the inner-voice of relentless hope
it is in these tiniest moments
timelines do not matter
even in its frailest state
hope
is our shining gift

with hope we are at our best
in hope we are at our most human

Baby Elf

Baby Elf

 

do we know

there is a place
do we know
do they
where wind blows to sow forests
insects crawl beneath shade 
no matter beliefs
ocean waves crash back and forth
pulling and taking and giving back
circling the hands of time
moon, comets, sun
arrive and leave and return
purple sands conceal water
bombastic rocks jag the horizon
steam rises from thick emerald tangles
they have not a thought
only sheer mechanics
who scorches earth
waters gardens
holds hands and kisses mouths
cleanses injured
prays, screams, moans, mourns, laughs
with the commonality of desire
of a need
those who utter its uselessness
or lack of purpose
are liars
we all love
we do
all love
and there is a place
we might share
covered in blue
do we know
do they
sasquatch
difficult reading the newspaper some mornings
this illustration I created last year, to me this represents peace and love and kindness and humanity

In the Light of Newness

This new year, I approach in the light of newness
In this newness lives my pledge of faith, spirit and fellowship written in the persistent hand of love
Every day will forever be a new opportunity to move forward

There will be no:
“re”living
“re”doing
“re”hashing
“re”winding
“re”turning
“re”thinking
“re”defining
“re”starting
“re”creating
“re”writing
there will never be another
“re”solution
from where I start
in whatever I do
there will only be newness
giving the best that is possible within me
working not at “re”solutions
but solutions
within the brightness of a new day
arrived at with the clarity of forgiveness, the hope of promise and the fortitude of human spirit
Caroline and Max spiritThe only “re” I plan on allowing is recycling:)
This mural in the big son’s room will be painted over this winter-it is time
Caroline and Max years ago:)
I wish you all a beautiful NEW YEAR
See you all on the other side of 2016!
annmarie:)

winning and losing

there was a dual wrestling meet last night
all these boys, young men really
hoping their practiced discipline and best efforts
would place them on this side of glory
a raised arm at third period’s end
a personal win
points for their team

quick food, hot coffee and school spirit
we bought an event tee for the big son
I didn’t look at the shirt ’til later
against the black cotton weave
was the image of a handsome, young man
135 pounds
his chiseled arm raised in victory

it was then I realized
the tournament was named after this wrestler
he’d died in a car accident two years ago

and I knew
whether the big son
won or lost
we’d been winning all along

at this time of year
when the magnifying glass
boxes in our hearts
may thoughts of warmth
go out to those
whose children are no longer here
but live on in their souls

Baby Elf

Baby Elf

illustration previously published

what is it you want

what is it you want
insides turned out
limbs astray
hearts cut away from spines
’til the beating stops
praying one day
all are
cloaked and restricted
from a world
created for life to be lived

Know this
the beating will never cease
not in one thousand lifetimes
it is in your head
between the eardrums
the singular
boom, boom, boom
of hatred
the same pounding
of flesh
of tearing
of bodies rendered lifeless
while
you pray to meet
One who would never
cut hearts away from spines

Earth's Angel

Earth’s Angel

thoughts of peace across the ocean