A Conversation with Mom (Post Stroke) Through a Closed Nursing Home Window During Covid




Mom — we don’t need phones, you can hear me through the window just fine.
 
She picks up the phone on her rolling table and holds it upside down to her ear.  
Dad is gambling on my shoulder.
   
Mom — Dad is not on your shoulder. Look, I’m not using a phone and you can hear me just fine.

My teeth are falling out. This phone isn’t working.

Mom — your teeth are not falling out.
 She continues talking into an upside down landline.
Mom — please put the phone down. 
The receiver twists in her hand.I release an invisible string, a white balloon floats away.
Mom — stop knocking the phone on the table.
Mom — please look at me here standing outside your window.


She built a family with her bones.
 Another balloon floats away.
Mom — would you put the phone down please. I knuckle the glass. 

Mom — for the love of God please put the fucking phone down.


Butterflies flying overhead, so many more this spring. The year of my daughter’s mermaid birthday party I didn’t stare skyward looking for wings that weren’t there. I smiled in my cleverness at having covered our dining room walls with iridescent paper and hanging foil starfish from the ceiling with aqua crepe paper. The room became a magical ocean.

Mom — please stop hitting the phone on the table. 
A wheelchair is talking to Mom’s ass and if she leans too far forward, her tongue might fall out.
Mom — hang up the phone.
Mom — Mom 

I’ll see you tomorrow.
I hang up my pretend phone.



Sometimes, there is nothing more to add than the conversation.
Here’s to Fridays fringed with warm wine, good and red.

am

Millie’s Rainbow

This post was inspired by a ‘new’ image.

It’s a wonderful gift to receive an image you’ve never seen before of a person you’ll not see again (in this version of life). My mom’s cousin had recently sent me a batch of family photos, a few of the images I’d not seen before – what a treasure to see my mom’s pearlescent smile in a ‘new’ way. I merged Millie’s image into the rainbow photo shown.

The rainbow happened on a most horrible day — a day not blackened by the dark weather but by my words. It was the day I told my sweet mother I was sending her to a nursing home. And that beautiful woman had the gall to smile, to tell me she understood and that everything would be okay.

The weight of my heart forced my tears forward like the storm. Then not long afterward, the rain stopped, the storm clouds moved on their way, and there outside, arcing over my house, was the most complete and perfect rainbow I’d ever seen. It was Millie’s Rainbow.

Thank you,
AnnMarie❤️

it was Leon

The nurses and aides who worked at my mother’s nursing home were spectacular in their compassionate care. As I stood outside looking through my mother’s window, they daily entered a place where Covid was. They amazed me with their bravery and perseverance. (As of this writing, Covid numbers have dropped significantly) When my mom was moved to palliative care, I was permitted to enter the facility and spend time with her each day until she passed away. Though I had the requisite PPE, I was nervous, not so much for myself, but for my family. I didn’t want to bring the virus home. That first day I sat beside Millie, I thought about Leon. Leon, a custodian, who like the nurses and the aides, moved in and out of the same rooms they did exemplifying the same kindness, perseverance, and bravery.

I thank all first responders, healthcare workers, those on the frontlines, and the unsung who’ve been dealing with Covid head on since the beginning.

This photo was taken a few weeks before my beautiful mom became bedridden.

she shared her orbit of joy

New CNF in “Hippocampus Magazine”!

Honored and thrilled to have my creative nonfiction piece, “Inside My Mother’s Mouth,” published in the elegant and smart, Hippocampus Magazine.
Always honored to share a glimpse into my beautiful mother’s world. I dearly miss the person she was for all those amazing decades.

Click the image (or highlighted text) to read onward. Visit, Hippocampus, and take in all the fantastic stories there…
This piece was written before the Covid-19 axe cut deep. It seems so long ago now that I visited Millie daily and helped her with the morning routine.
I hope you’re all continuing to manage during these difficult days. Stay safe.❤️
Thank you for stopping by.

3 Pandemic Poems to Share

I’m honored to have 3 Pandemic Poems shared in, CARE Covid — Art REsource, a timely and thoughtful journal.
Click on text to visit this beautiful journal.

Click on image below to do directly to poems.
I hope you’re all doing okay.❤️
My mother (in her twenties) and her magnificent smile! And despite suffering a major stroke two years ago, she still manages to show-off her gorgeous teeth!

Clock Watching

Quarantine and social distancing have brought up a lot: anxieties, memories, and  even new observations.

 Throughout the week we’ll publish selected works on our website and across our social media channels (an audience of about 25,000).

 Share your stories.  —From Whispers To Roars

I’m honored to share my new piece in ‘From Whispers To Roars,’ a wonderful indie lit mag. Please click here or on image below to read other wonderful works of self-expression during these difficult days.

Stay safe❤️

Sharing a Lovely Memory

Pictorial Love Notes for Our Beautiful Mom in a Nursing Home

Since many nursing homes, including the home our beautiful mother is in, are currently closed to visitors, every member of my family sent a pictorial love note.🖌

Our mom only has one functioning arm, and her brilliant mind isn’t what it used to be, so she often has phone difficulties. For a lovely Italian woman who is all about family and friends, images with notes are a warm embrace on a lonely day.👨‍👨‍👦‍👦
We put our pictorial love notes in a binder, and dropped the binder off at her nursing home’s security desk. 🌹
If a loved one, or dear friend, is in a nursing home, why not send a pictorial love note 😊
Hope you, your families, and friends are well❤️

And thank you, to all those working in the medical field, nursing homes, eldercare and assisted living facilities…you are truly appreciated❤️

new prose in Cagibi

I’m beyond thrilled and honored to have my prose piece, Postcard from a DMV Parking Lot in New York, published in Cagibi Express! It is a marvelous journal.