river to ocean

guidance
we seek
inhaling cool unbroken dawns
shrouded beneath starless skies
through prayer hands of gods
the pure eyes of beasts
the wet lips of lovers
we grasp
rationales for our
unadulterated existence
baring distractions
desiring naked truths
of us
in us
this sense of being
purpose
walking a planet begrudgingly shared

we will discover nothing
if not ourselves
first
in the calm of our own private moments
peace ripples
river to ocean
first oceanthe only ocean painting I’ve done in my life

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walk ins welcome

walk ins welcome
read while gazing into a dirty vacant store window next to the pizza place.
 shit I’m gettin’ old. gotta get my groove on before I’m ungrooveable or I forget how to cha cha (don’t wanna brag but back in disco days I had a kickass pelvic thrust). 
so let’s get this going shall we. 
you and me. okay, pretend I’m standing so close my breath is clouding your bathroom mirror.
 we laugh. you’re nervous. I’m not – never am in these situations. shower steam has fogged up the whole damn room. I stare at your towel and say, “

let me walk inside you.” 
You must know before answering, I’d pin that silly sign–walk ins welcome–to my face if I could style hair. 
I can only grow it. Like everything else I do or get into, I grow overboard. 
Hair is hitting my belt loops, the weight always pulling. 
so I must ask you again, 
will you allow me passage into your deepest darkest places…

(here we go now)
I want to wander down where you hide things from everyone but me
up and down, in, around and down slippery Sherpa
let me lay my curves across your lines
see my roads take you places
places I whisper in wet blue
us, that would be so nice
I’m excited for me
for you
you won’t believe how reserved I can be out of my place
that place I don’t dare go as it tongue ties and pen paralyzes me bad
I like caves and clouds and I can get you there
I’d like to play with you in water too
when you let me in
I think you might just love me
a tiny bit only a tiny bit
it was too long before I loved myself completely
so much has been and maybe still is rehearsal for my heart
the role play if you let me in
I’ll whisper from inside your ear like a raindrop on a windowsill
I’ll say things like, “your soul is precious”
no
I wouldn’t say that
precious is a word I’d use to describe a smiling goldfish that can juggle knives
I’ll think of words just for you, don’t worry
please don’t get mad
but
after you love me just a bit only a bit
you must let me leave
I must move on
I must find others
who will love me too
(here I go now)

hairbrush

hairbrush

I was once a ballerina and other tall tales

swing dancer

did you know I was once a ballerina and a boxer
a journalist and a jouster
and that I intensely dislike
rhymes of any kind
except
beloved Theodor
always gets a pass
he once told me
I’d go places
you never did
there are more things about me
too
like the precious items I squirrel
in an old wine box
did you know
I can’t stop my heart
from falling
even when I know
you won’t be there to catch it
and
(this)
I wish you knew more things
about me
then may(be)
I could figure
my(self)
out just a bit better
and add to my box
of precious things
whose lid
stopped opening
long ago

and no, I didn’t slug wine when I was little
at the time it was blood from cup–I was praying with classmates
(a tiny sip)
but the wine box
came from our basement
where all useful things usually end up
after everyone forgets their usefulness
and I stopped entering churches
when I stopped opening boxes

splintered stage

we pantomime the roles we are destined to play
iterations of our selves powdered with granules of age
we struggle to sparkle on each splintered stage
box the translucent director about the ears
we sob if swollen roses aren’t tossed at our aching feet
these theatrical lives we dress and primp for
our practiced actions and exaggerated thoughts
fill the numbered rows
passersby note the sheer breeze on perfectly presentable days
how grand the marquee introduces us 
until the night inevitably falls
a lingering effect of banner reviews
the shade pulls away the sun
among the threadbare seats

highlights are broken down
gels stop proffering hazy moon glow

the distressed set has sunk well below the orchestra pit
as we strip costumes and scrub away masks
in our disposable dressing rooms
a crystal decanter smiles and
in its bottomless grandeur we

search for that little drop of poison
to ease hellacious day into callous night
where no lights warm obsidian air
or hollow stories clap clogged memories
still the flashing sign stage left reminds us
we must soon exit

Flapping

Flapping

 

tacky stardust

if it is to be found beneath my feet or quite far away
I cannot say
traveling by mind to land a dream
gathering dew at dawn
tying the glistening tails to paper strings
releasing when the moon is most silver
watching the drops float upward like crystal balloons
catching the tacky stardust
light gallops across infinite trails
hidden for too long
as another attempts
to add diamonds to the heavens

Praying Wizard

Praying Wizard

 

Friends,
All my hats of late, have made my thinking cap most heavy. I need to take a little time away from the wonder that is blogging, to place some much needed focus on an art/writing project that is near and dear to my heart. I’ll miss this place and the many wondrous and amazingly talented people I’ve come to know:) I’ll return as soon as I can.

“And I know if I’ll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest”–
Man of La Mancha

Peace, Love and Light
am:)

 

vague recollections

when we were at our worst
the best we could muster were vague recollections
our last bitter months spent
immersed in the sickness we’d become
like so many others
we choose to throw up our hands
and wave that featureless flag
rather than fight the disease
that had invaded our trust, plagued our bond
I changed the locks
praying a shiny new key might open another door –
far away from our self-imposed afflictions
while your damaged heart became wanton host
to modified digital faces with piled-on profiles
in a very short while
what had once been genuine longing and unchecked passion
vanished
like a promising placebo chased down with vodka

swirl skating

swirl skating

Ominous Offenders

Yesterday,
the wind here was like the ocean –
bullying gusts rolled into tormenting waves
The confused sky was yellow-grey
It might have been monsoon midnight over the skeleton coast
Animated by the electrified air,
stoic garbage cans turned into ominous offenders –
their tight-lipped mouths pried open
by Mother Nature’s fists
Twisted secrets and crushed dreams spilled out
Concealed leftovers laid bare for all to see
Efforts were made
to reclaim the whispers – hide the evidence
restore the perfect order
On a calmer day,
those locked mouths should remain shut

ominous offender

sharpest woman, dullest ex

Like all the others
she rendered me dull
while making you glisten
She was sharp
cut us apart where we connected

Those polished silver nails
elegant and deadly
Her razor lips sliced into yours
no escaping that full-serrated mouth
or was there?

You shoved me to the back of the drawer
like an old butter knife
My heart she stabbed
or was that you?
My dreams are now carved from
rusted days
and infomercial nights

But I’ll regain my edge
when
she bifurcates her body from yours
and moves onto her next dinner partner

When this happens
and it will, my darling
I hope you can handle it
In a world of dime-a-dozen Ginsu
us tarnished butter knives stand steadfast and unique

stained glass girl

stained glass girl

barren

not there, are you
I don’t know
many things surprise me
you not being there
less of a surprise
more of an assumption
I don’t know
all this contemplating
gets me nothing
but sweaty nights
we could have been something
two insecure beings
shoring up each others dreams
could have been something
you and I
me and you
whatever it might have been
compost now
maybe some other time
another steaming night

a chance to break through the earth
whatever it could have been
the bed is barren now
as is my heart

Blonde/pastel

 

uptitty bookreader

damn horse, had a sure thing
jack jockey was horse-size himself
I’ll win the lottery soon, maybe next week
when they get my damn numbers right
freakin’ lotto balls
my carpet sweeper got more suction
than that damn blowin’ machine
I’m gonna win the 5G shoppin’ spree
just gotta do the survey
when my damn computer feels like workin’
screw the dude who said I gotta beige dinosaur
my machine ain’t no albatross
though them nasty black birds siphoned all my grass seed
shit birds
too bad my cat took off
offended for bein’ named Snowball
it thought it was all hot
like that chick
thought she was better than the Yankees
I set her straight
couldn’t order a good hot dog worth a damn anyway
who buys peanuts
that’s what’s left in my kitchen
peanuts, butter and some crackers
freakin’ saltines, what the hell
salt
may as well eat sand
like the line she said I crossed
or the sand I shifted can’t remember what the hell she said
she said bookies are real bad
told her only if ya lose
and my ships are comin’ in
she said traitor winds blow hard
said my feet only shuffled in circles
I shuffled the sand when I shifted the line
she screamed my primo leakin’ shower head
mixed all the crap up
like the cement shoes I’ll soon be wearin’
all I know is – those curvy pants of hers closed when those damn books opened
uptitty bookreader anyway
don’t know what the hell she was ever talkin’ about
I only wear Gucci slides
upitty girl